What Kind of Woman Does a Narcissist Marry?

Narcissists often seek out spouses who enhance their self-image and feed their need for excessive validation and admiration.

When choosing a mate, narcissists tend to select partners who represent their idealized image of themselves. They look for trophy partners who can add to their prestige and supplement their ego. But beneath the glitzy façade, these partnerships built on superficial qualities often crumble under the weight of the narcissist’s exploitation and dysfunction.

Here are some common traits and tendencies narcissists look for when choosing a wife:

• Physically Attractive: For the narcissist obsessed with his image, appearances matter greatly. He wants a physically beautiful wife who boosts his status and makes him look good. She is another sparkly object for him to show off and feed his grandiose sense of self. Her attractiveness affirms his fantasized perfection.
• Admiring and Compliant: A narcissist seeks a partner who lavishes him with validation and attention. He needs someone who is awestruck by his overblown capabilities and achievements. She must continually prop up and feed his ego. A compliant partner who doesn’t challenge his views or call out his behavior is ideal.
• Accomplished or Successful: Nothing complements the narcissist more than a wife who is accomplished in her own right – whether beauty, intellect, social status, or other achievements. Her qualities and successes can help fuel his sense of superiority and specialness by association. She brings further positive attention and acclaim his way.
• Low Self-Esteem: While narcissists desire partners who represent their ideal selves externally, they also want mates who will submit to their need for control. A woman with low self-esteem who lacks confidence is an appealing target. She is less likely to criticize his flawed behavior or challenge his authority. Her weaknesses make her dependent on him.
• Enjoys Caretaking Roles: The narcissist’s never-ending needs require a self-sacrificing partner willing to cater to his demands, forgive his transgressions, and not expect reciprocity. A natural caretaker who is generous with her time, understanding, and care is the perfect match. She won’t protest his selfishness, manipulation, or dependency on her.
• Excusing and Tolerant: The narcissist requires approval no matter how poorly he treats his partner. A wife who excuses his hurtful behavior, justifies his cruelty, and tolerates his abuse and cheating is ideal. He celebrates a partner who has low expectations of him and sticks by him despite his lies, explosions of rage, and lack of empathy.
• Takes Responsibility: Narcissists refuse to take responsibility for their wrongdoings. They need a wife willing to shoulder the blame to protect their inflated self-image. A partner who absorbs fault for the relationship problems he causes appeases the narcissist. She convinces herself she can do better and rescue the relationship.

  

Why Narcissists Choose These Partners

Narcissists are attracted to certain personality types as romantic partners for several toxic reasons:

• Her admiration satisfies the narcissist’s craving for glorification and thirst for perfection reflected back at him.
• Her physical beauty, status, or success boost his public image.
• Her compliance, caretaking, and tolerance of mistreatment provide the obedient audience he demands.
• Her excuses and justifications for his abusive patterns allow him to avoid accountability.
• Exploiting her gives him a sense of power and superiority.
• Devaluing her provides an external outlet for his feelings of self-loathing and inadequacy.

In other words, the narcissist chooses a romantic partner who affirms his grandiose fantasies rather than challenging his dysfunction. Her traits enable his false self to thrive while keeping his inner shame and insecurity hidden.

Sadly, the narcissist’s marriage ends up warping the personality of the partner he once idealized. His chronic manipulation, exploitation, rages, and affairs eventually erode her self-worth. She diminishes herself in order to try appeasing him. The man she loves becomes her torturer. This reveals that while narcissists may secure their ideal partner at first, the ugliness behind their charming façade gets exposed. Their dream woman becomes their psychological prisoner.

Conclusion

In searching for the perfect wife, a narcissist looks for someone who can prop up and sustain his exaggerated sense of self-importance. Her beauty, empathy, accomplishments, submission, or adulation provide him with desirable sources of narcissistic supply. However, his pathologies and objectification ultimately diminish the partner he first put on a pedestal. Knowing the personality traits narcissists seek in spouses provides insight into the dysfunctional underpinnings of their relationships. Awareness can help prevent women from falling into the alluring yet toxic trap of marrying a narcissist. With this knowledge, women can seek partners who cherish them for their rich inner selves rather than merely their external enhancements.