Weird Narcissist Text Habits Decoding – How to Respond

Narcissist Text Messages Examples

Have you ever gotten a jaw-dropping, manipulative text from a narcissist? Texting is a playground where narcissists control you from afar. Let’s expose the various toxic texting tactics narcissists commonly use so you can stop falling for their tricks.

Love Bombing: Lavishing You With Excessive Compliments

In the beginning, narcissists bombard you with over-the-top flattery and praise via text. They text excessively, ignoring normal boundaries. Your needs don’t matter—only their need to dominate you.

For example, Sara described her narcissistic new boyfriend texting “You’re so beautiful” endlessly when they first started dating. Mike shared how his narcissistic business partner texted him repeatedly about the “huge success” they would build together, stroking Mike’s ego about how brilliant he was.

This constant text bombardment conditions you like a lab animal trained with random rewards. Their intermittent reinforcement keeps you anxiously awaiting their next “treat,” repeatedly checking your phone. This chemically alters your brain, making you addicted to their validation.

Ignoring You While Texting Others: The Disappearing Act

Once they’ve hooked you, narcissists pull a vanishing act. They mysteriously ignore your texts while actively texting other “supply” sources and romantic prospects.

For instance, Lisa described her narcissistic boyfriend blatantly texting other girls late at night right in front of her, then calling Lisa “paranoid” for daring to question him. Jeff shared how his narcissistic business partner went from daily enthusiastic check-ins to completely ignoring Jeff’s texts for days, offering suspicious excuses.

This extreme push/pull destabilization makes you work harder for their conditional attention and validation, now withdrawn. Like a cat playing with a helpless mouse, they enjoy your desperation and the power trip of controlling you.

Exploitative Early Sexting: Crossing Boundaries

Many narcissists demand nudes and engage in inappropriate sexting very early on, before emotional intimacy forms. For example, Emma described her narcissistic new boyfriend sending her sexually explicit messages and inappropriate requests for naked photos right away, before they really got to know each other at all.

They shamelessly exploit you to serve their agenda of power and control. Later, they use those images against you, as “proof” to shame you as promiscuous or crazy.

Future Faking: False Promises of Your Fantasy Life Together

When you start pulling away, narcissists promise an ideal fantasy future together via text. For example, after months of her narcissistic boyfriend alternating between treating her well and devaluing her, Lily shared how he suddenly texted “We’re soulmates” and “Just imagine the perfect life we’ll have” out of the blue.

Like expert anglers luring fish with tantalizing bait, narcissists hook you back in with vivid visions of an incredible future life together—endless success, extravagant vacations, wedded bliss, healthy and happy children. You become trauma bonded and emotionally invested, chasing after the dream life they portray. But it’s merely an illusion, hastily constructed when they need to reel you back in.

Intermittent Reinforcement and Ghosting: Keeping You Guessing

After temporarily selling you the dream again, narcissists go right back to being cold, distant, and unavailable. For instance, Jeff described months of total silence from his narcissistic business partner after their last enthusiastic call, without any warning or explanation. Then one day he received a random “Hey Jeff, let’s grab coffee and catch up!” text out of the blue, after months of absolutely no contact.

Like meticulously training a loyal dog with random rewards and harsh punishments, their intermittent reinforcement is intentionally unpredictable, triggering your brain’s addiction mechanisms. You become compelled to compulsively chase after their breadcrumbs of affection or approval, no matter how insubstantial or unsatisfying.

“Sandwich” Texts: Manipulation Wrapped in Niceness

Narcissists also frequently send “sandwich” style texts—starting off nice, turning toxic, then ending with niceness again. For example, an ex might text: “Hi sweetie, I hope you’re doing great! I really need your help with the kids today…you’re so selfish for always ignoring me and not being willing to help out…But I still wish you all the best!”

These sandwich texts provoke emotional reactions in you and meet narcissists’ needs for power, control, drama, and supply. There is no good way to respond or engage—whether you reply kindly, set boundaries, ignore them, or react emotionally, they find ways to attack and manipulate you.

Texts Implying Friendship / Benefit To You

Narcissists also send texts implying they want to organically rekindle the friendship or relationship, supposedly for your benefit as well. For instance, an ex might text: “I know we had our troubles, but we had so many wonderful times too. We still need each other in each other’s lives…we’re so good together when things are good!”

This strokes your ego and falsely suggests the relationship was mutually beneficial and fulfilling, which is typically untrue. But it’s just a hook to see if you still provide adequate “narcissistic supply” for them to exploit.

Sympathy-Seeking Texts

Narcissists love sympathy and attention, so they often text about illnesses, hardships, or problems to elicit concern and compassion from you. For example: “I’m having the worst day. My car broke down, I failed an exam, and I have no one to talk to. I just need someone who cares right now.”

But if you respond lovingly to support them, they quickly lash out at you or disappear, revealing it was just a manipulation tactic. They opportunistically discarded you when you had very real issues, but demand your care and concern when they have a minor problem.

Passive-Aggressive Texts

Passive-aggressive texts are also very common from narcissists. For instance, if you don’t respond quickly enough to a narcissist’s text or call, they may text: “I guess you’re just too busy to chat…No worries, I’ll stop bothering you so you can focus on more important things.” Or “Are you really still mad about what happened yesterday? You’re so oversensitive.”

This kind of message guilt-trips, gaslights, and emotionally punishes you for having healthy boundaries or being upset at their mistreatment. It’s intended to make you feel guilty and chase after them, giving them the power.

Baiting and Provocative Texts

Narcissists also deliberately send provocative, shocking, or baiting texts in order to get a reaction from you. For example, your narcissistic partner may text: “My new girlfriend Jasmine is so amazing in bed…No one satisfies me like she does.” Or your narcissistic friend might text: “I can’t believe what Julie just told me about you…I can’t believe you would do something so messed up.”

If you react emotionally to texts like these, take the bait, and respond with hurt or defensiveness, the narcissist has achieved their goal of provoking you and upsetting you for their own entertainment. On the other hand, if you ignore the toxic bait, they’re enraged by your lack of reaction and intensify their efforts to get a response from you.

Intermittent Reinforcement Texts

Narcissists give just enough intermittent doses of positivity and affection via text to keep you hooked, without giving you the real emotional intimacy and nurturing you crave in relationship. For example, after weeks or months of ghosting, ignoring you, or treating you poorly, they may suddenly send a text like “Thinking of you today…” or “That picture you posted is so beautiful”, before disappearing again.

This random, inconsistent reinforcement is powerfully addictive to our brains. You’re conditioned to obsessively chase after the few breadcrumbs of affection or approval they toss your way, desperately awaiting the next crumb.

Hoovering: Reeling You Back In

After abruptly discarding you without warning, narcissists eventually circle back around to hoover you, often via text initially. For example, many months after discarding you, your narcissistic ex may text: “I saw your mom recently, she looks great!” or “Congrats on the promotion at work, you deserve it!”

This hoovering text is designed to determine if you still provide adequate narcissistic supply for them to exploit. If you politely reply or react positively, they believe they still have power and control over you, paving the way for further hoovering efforts.

In summary, narcissists’ unhealthy and manipulative texting patterns expose their core shame and emotional emptiness. By recognizing their toxic games, you can break free from their control and seek genuine relationships not based on exploitation. You deserve so much better!

Now I want to hear from you. What narcissistic texting patterns have you experienced? Please share your story in the comments so we can support each other in recognizing their unhealthy tactics. You have the power to take your life back!

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