What You Can Expect When The Narcissist Loses Narcissistic Supply
Introduction
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a persistent need for admiration and lack of empathy. Narcissists have an excessive sense of self-importance and require constant praise and attention, known as “narcissistic supply,” to regulate their self-esteem. When their fragile ego is threatened by loss of status, relationships, or respect, narcissists can become enraged and vindictive. Understanding how narcissists react to losing their narcissistic supply can help you prepare for their potential retaliation.
Idealization Phase
In the early stages of relationships, narcissists use charm, flattery, and gifts to make their target feel special. They present an image of perfection and create an illusion of unconditional love to secure narcissistic supply sources. Examples of idealization behaviors include:
Love Bombing
Excessive praise, adoration, and gestures of commitment very early in dating. For instance, proposing marriage after only a few weeks. This hooks the target emotionally.
Mirroring
Mimicking the target’s interests, values, and goals to feign compatibility. The narcissist shapes themselves into the “perfect partner.”
This idealization convinces the target the relationship is soulmate love, blinding them to red flags. The narcissist believes they “deserve” endless admiration.
Recap
During idealization, narcissists construct a fantasy world to ensure abundant narcissistic supply. False persona, future faking, love bombing, and mirroring lock in commitment and attention.
Devaluation Phase
Once narcissistic supply is secured, the narcissist’s mask slips. They begin devaluing and taking for granted those who previously idealized them. Signs include:
Indifference
The narcissist withdraws emotionally and grows cold, critical, and uninterested in bonding. Their target’s feelings no longer matter.
Belittling
Making subtle digs or outright insults to erode the target’s self-worth. Triangulating relationships to induce jealousy.
Withholding Affection
Using the silent treatment or refusing affection to manipulate the target into staying in line. Punishment for disobedience.
Gaslighting
Distorting reality to confuse the target about what is real. Making them question their own sanity and memories.
The devaluation phase reveals the narcissist’s true colors once the relationship is secured. The target struggles to win back the idealization.
Recap
The narcissist devalues and discards previous sources of supply while seeking new sources to boost their ego. This cycle repeats as narcissistic supply is obtained, then destroyed.
Narcissistic Injury
When the narcissist faces an irreparable loss of supply, such as divorce or job loss, their fragile ego suffers a major blow. They experience what is known as a “narcissistic injury.” Reactions may include:
Rage Attacks
Explosive anger, threats, aggression and/or physical violence to retaliate against the source of injury. Verbal abuse is common.
Withdrawal
Sulking, refusing to engage, isolation, and stonewalling. May give silent treatment for long periods, shutting partner out.
Smear Campaigns
Spreading malicious gossip, lies, and exaggerations to destroy the reputation of the target. Turning others against them.
Victim Mentality
Portraying themselves as the victim by exaggerating harm done to them and blaming others. Eliciting sympathy and support.
The vindictive behaviors stem from their damaged ego and desire to reestablish control. Their sense of superiority must be restored.
Recap
To the narcissist, relationships are transactions. When supply is lost, their reaction is similar to a drug addict’s rage when access to substances is cut off.
When Narcissistic Supply Runs Out
As narcissistic supply dwindles, the narcissist becomes desperate to obtain it from other sources. Their false mask crumbles and their tactics escalate. Things to expect include:
Love Bombing Resurgence
Efforts to “hoover” the target back in with excessive affection, flattery, gifts and promises. Lies about changing their ways.
New Relationships
Quickly jumping into new relationships, affairs, and friendships to secure admiration. No mourning period for past losses.
Risky Behavior
Thrill-seeking, impulsivity, substance abuse, inappropriate sexual behavior. Living on the edge to boost ego.
Delusions of Grandeur
Claiming extraordinary talent, insights, and achievements. Posturing as an authority figure deserving of praise.
The narcissist will go to extreme lengths to prove their superiority and obtain supply, since it is their lifeline. They fear being insignificant.
Recap
When supply diminishes, the narcissist desperately seeks new sources while exhibiting riskier behaviors driven by ego preservation. The cycle is endless.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do narcissists react to no contact?
Narcissists often respond to no contact with rage, threats about smear campaigns, hoovering attempts, or silence/withdrawal. Some may immediately replace you without mourning the loss.
What happens when you stop feeding a narcissist’s ego?
When you stop feeding a narcissist’s ego, they frequently react with devaluation, manipulation, bullying, and other tactics to force you to keep supplying validation.
Do narcissists forget about you?
Narcissists see people as objects, so they can appear to forget about you quickly after discarding you. However, if they need supply in the future, they may suddenly hoover you back in.
Can a narcissist change for new supply?
Narcissists are very consistent in their patterns across relationships. They may idealize new supply, but will eventually devalue them too. Real change is rare without intensive therapy.
What happens if you reject a narcissist?
Rejecting a narcissist inflicts a narcissistic injury. They may retaliate with rage, insults, manipulation, gaslighting, smear campaigns, and triangulation. Some may discard you first.
Do narcissists move on quickly?
Narcissists tend to move on quickly as former partners were only sources of narcissistic supply. They do not genuinely mourn or heal before pursuing new supply sources.
How do narcissists suffer?
Narcissists suffer narcissistic injuries when rejected, resulting in blows to their fragile self-esteem. Without professional help, they remain trapped in endless cycles of seeking supply to soothe their inner pain.
Why you should never feel sorry for a narcissist?
Narcissists play the victim, but have little empathy for others. Pity enables their behaviors. Focus on self-care and set firm boundaries rather than getting caught up in their drama.
Conclusion
In summary, understanding the dynamics around narcissistic supply gives insight into why narcissists engage in certain behaviors, especially when their ego is threatened. Recognizing patterns like love bombing, devaluation cycles, and vindictive responses to rejection can help you make sense of their actions. While narcissists are master manipulators, awareness of their games protects you from buying into false narratives. With this knowledge, you can prioritize healing and disengage from their drama and lies. Detachment starves them of supply while renewing your own self-worth.
