Narcissist Text Habits: Decoding Texts & How to Respond – Expert Tips

What are some common narcissist text habits?

Some common narcissist text habits include:

• Love bombing – Excessive flattery and praise early on to secure attention and attachment.
• Intermittent reinforcement – Inconsistent contact, alternating excessive texts with ghosting.
• Hoovering – Sudden influx of flattering messages to regain control if target pulls away.
• Baiting/provoking – Sending provocative texts to get reactions and emotional supply.
• Projecting – Blaming the target for narcissist’s own flaws or behaviors.
• Impulsive anger – Lengthy abusive text tirades if narcissist feels threatened.
• Entitlement – Demanding and entitled requests via text.
• Triangulation – Texting about other romantic prospects to provoke jealousy.

Narcissists use these unhealthy texting patterns to manipulate targets, gain narcissistic supply, and reassert dominance and control if it is threatened. Recognizing these habits helps reveal the narcissist’s true motives.

How can I identify narcissistic behavior in texts?

There are several red flags that can help identify narcissistic behavior in texts:

• Excessive flattery and praise early on in the relationship.
• Extreme idealization followed by devaluation.
• Focus is heavily on them, not mutual.
• Frequent fishing for compliments and validation.
• Undermining your confidence or boundaries.
• Guilt tripping or pressuring you.
• Mixed signals and push/pull contact.
• Belittling, shaming, or emotionally abusive language.
• Lack of empathy, defensiveness, never owns flaws.
• Assumes privileged status and demonstrates entitlement.

Pay close attention to patterns over time as well as inconsistencies between their texts versus real-life treatment of you. Trust your gut instinct if a texter seems manipulative or hurtful.

What are some strategies for decoding narcissistic texts?

Here are some strategies for decoding potentially manipulative texts from narcissists:

• Notice discrepancies between their texts and actual behavior.
• Identify patterns such as intermittent reinforcement or idealization followed by devaluation.
• Pay attention to subtle put-downs or guilt trips.
• Be aware of projection and falsely accusing you of behaviors that are true of them.
• Look out for exaggerated flattery or promises early on as potential love bombing.
• Consider whether the focus is heavily on them and their needs vs. mutual.
• Assess if they have double standards, feeling entitled to things from you that they won’t reciprocate.

Keep a journal to track texts over time. Discuss any concerns with a trusted friend. And listen to your gut instinct – if a texter seems manipulative, they likely are.

How should I respond to narcissistic texts?

Here are some tips for responding effectively to manipulative texts from narcissists without getting hooked:

• Avoid reacting emotionally or impulsively. Stay calm and composed.
• Use empathy judiciously to de-escalate tensions, but set limits.
• Refocus the conversation to solution-oriented dialogue vs. circular debates.
• Reply to the facts and issues, not character attacks.
• Set clear boundaries and restate them neutrally if needed.
• Know it’s okay not to respond immediately, or at all, if you need space or to disengage.
• Discuss healthier communication strategies with them when things are stable.

The goal is to model balanced, composed communication while reinforcing your boundaries and limits. This can help de-escalate narcissistic texting tactics over time.

How can I get a narcissist to text me back?

Some strategies to get a narcissist to text you back include:

• Appeal to their ego and send compliments.
• Mirror their texting frequency and availability at first.
• Respond promptly to their texts to give them narcissistic supply.
• Send interesting photos, updates, or provocative texts to get attention.
• Let them know you’re thinking of them with a “missing you” or thoughtful text.
• Compliment their appearance if appropriate – many narcissists are vain.
• Act happy, share exciting news, and avoid seeming boring.

However, chasing a narcissist’s attention through these means can reinforce their manipulative behavior. It’s healthier to nurture relationships with caring people who text reciprocally.

What happens when you ignore a narcissist’s text?

When ignored, a narcissist usually experiences a threat to their ego and sense of control. Common narcissistic responses include:

• Bombarding you with multiple texts or calls.
• Lashing out via abusive, angry texts.
• Threats to make you jealous by mentioning other romantic options.
• Playing victim and guilt tripping you for ignoring them.
• Spreading rumors about you or smearing you to shared contacts.
• Hoovering by suddenly texting sweet messages to hook you again.
• Raging at you for disrespecting them by not responding.

While uncomfortable, ignoring their reactions helps reinforce boundaries. You teach people how to treat you – demand respectful engagement by disengaging from narcissists’ poor behavior.

What makes texting with a narcissist challenging?

Texting with a narcissist can be challenging for several reasons:

• They dominate the conversation and make it all about them.
• Their responses can be incredibly self-centered and lacking in empathy.
• They ignore your requests or boundaries and continue pressuring behaviors.
• They expect instant responses to their texts but may take hours or days to reply to you.
• They bombard you with frequent, lengthy emotional text tirades.
• They gaslight you and distort the facts in text conversations.
• They project their own issues onto you via text.
• They use manipulative push/pull texting patterns to keep you off balance.

Maintaining strong boundaries around texting, such as taking space from exhausting conversations or not responding to abusive language, can help preserve your mental health.

What are some weird narcissistic texting habits?

Some strange and manipulative narcissistic texting habits include:

• “Accidental” late night texts saying they miss you or can’t sleep, designed to pulling you back into engaging.
• Excessive use of emojis even when discussing serious issues.
• Rapid-fire text bombardments demanding urgent responses.
• Mysterious or exaggerated statements fishing for your reaction, like “You’ll never believe what happened!”
• Out-of-the-blue hoovering texts pretending nothing happened after no contact.
• Monitoring your “read” status and getting upset if you don’t respond instantly.
• Text tirades alternating vicious criticism with faux caretaking.
• Group texting you and new supply to make you jealous.

These odd texting habits are designed to provoke reactions in you. Deprive narcissists of the drama and supply they crave by not overreacting.

Why do narcissists ignore your texts?

Narcissists commonly ignore texts for the following reasons:

• To manipulate you through intermittent reinforcement and push/pull.
• They feel entitled to your attention but don’t reciprocate.
• To punish you for perceived slights/threats to their ego.
• Your needs don’t revolve around servicing theirs in the moment.
• They are bored and seeking provocation/drama.
• To deliberately incite insecurity and anxiety about where you stand.
• You confronted their behavior and holding them accountable threatens their false image.
• They devalue and discard you as soon as you cease providing sufficient narcissistic supply.

Their reasons reveal their own dysfunction. Don’t personalize their poor communication. Focus on people who demonstrate mutual care and consistency.

What should I do when a narcissist won’t stop texting?

Ways to set boundaries when a narcissist won’t stop texting you include:

• Ask them directly yet politely to text you less frequently.
• Ignore their texts if they continue excessive contact after you’ve set this limit.
• Block their number temporarily if they are bombarding you.
• Be vague or boring in your responses to discourage engagement.
• Tell them you will check texts only at certain times of day.
• Set your phone to “do not disturb” and check texts on your own schedule.
• Give concise responses, don’t ask counter-questions.
• Tell them you are turning notifications off due to being busy if needed.

Enforcing strong boundaries is essential. If they don’t respect reasonable limits, reconsider the relationship dynamics.

Do narcissists text you every day?

How frequently a narcissist texts depends on the status of the relationship:

• Idealization phase – Texts are very frequent, even constant. Goal is securing your attention.
• Devaluation phase – Texts become less attentive. More intermittent engagement or ghosting.
• Discard phase – Very sporadic contact or disappearing act for long stretches.
• Hoovering – Sudden resume of constant texts to re-hook you as supply if you pulled away.

If the narcissist has secured your consistent attention, their texts may become sparse, intermittent, and on their terms. They text daily while it suits their needs, not yours.

What are some weird narcissist text habits?

Some bizarre and manipulative narcissistic texting habits include:

• Love bombing with excessive flattery, praise, and promises early on.
• Push/pull intermittent reinforcement and unpredictability.
• Exaggerated levels of emojis, even when discussing serious issues.
• Out-of-the-blue hoovering after periods of no contact.
• Mysterious statements fishing for reactions, like “You’ll never guess what happened!”
• Frequent sexting demands and inappropriate sexual content.
• Impulsive verbal attacks and lengthy text tirades.
• Group chats intended to make you jealous.

Recognizing these unhealthy texting patterns helps reveal the narcissist’s manipulation and lack of sincerity. Their texts convey dysfunction, not intimacy.

Do narcissists think about you when not texting?

It’s unlikely narcissists think about you much when not in contact, except in these ways:

• Wondering if you are still available as a source of narcissistic supply.
• Fantasizing about getting you back under their control and influence if you pulled away.
• Briefly obsessing if you wounded their ego or image in some way.
• Craving renewed attention and validation if bored, in need of an ego boost.
• Contemplating ways to get a reaction from you if too quiet or predictable.
• Circling back if they need resources, contacts, or inside information you provided.

Narcissists think of you not out of love, care or concern, but out of self-interest regarding what you provide them. Don’t over-interpret their sporadic texts.

Summary

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I tell if I’m texting with a narcissist?

Signs include: excessive flattery, emotional rollercoasters, lack of empathy, manipulative push/pull contact, conversations always about them, guilting, boundary crossing, abusive language. Trust your instincts.

Why do narcissists bombard you with texts then disappear?

This intermittent reinforcement dynamic keeps you addicted to their validation. The highs of excessive contact followed by lows of neglect destabilize you and strengthen their control.

Is it normal for a narcissist to text you everyday?

In early idealization stages yes, but frequency drops later on. They text daily early on to secure your attachment, then sporadically to keep you guessing.

How should you handle a narcissist’s inappropriate texts?

Firmly tell them to stop, restate your boundaries, then disengage. You teach people how to treat you – demand respect or distance yourself from toxicity.

Can you make a narcissist obsessed with you through text?

It’s unwise to try intentionally hooking a disordered person. Better to seek healthy connections with emotionally stable, caring partners.

Is ignoring a narcissist’s text the best response?

Selectively, yes. Ignoring their provocations deprives narcissists of supply. But brief, boundaries-focused responses can be disarming too.

What’s the narcissist’s goal in sending disturbing texts?

They aim to provoke emotional reactions in you as “narcissistic supply.” Depriving them of the drama they crave helps reveal their manipulation.